so heres my friend jeremy. he is fucking one of my female roomates. one night i get a call
"hey greg, what are you guys doing tonight? i'm not working tonight (groomer at breck) and im looking to get hammed. im gonn abe the drunkest one at your house fo' sho"
so i go to the liquor store to buy him some rum. i purchased him some fine Rico Bay, because it was 7$ cheaper than the next cheapest shitty rum. he put away half the bottle in about 20 minutes while also playing pong and drinking beer. he disappeared for a while. one of my roomates went downstairs to his room to find jeremy standing in the middle of his room in the dark holding up this kids boxers. apparently jeremy wasnt wearing any because he had just gone swimming (freeballing in jeans is apparently extra uncomfortable when youre hammed) he was at this point unable to communicate and resembled a newly reanimated zombie.
jeremy as a zombie (im not wearing a shirt because of a shitty pong rule i made that is supposed to make females remove their shirts)
so we get jeremy upstairs and sit him in a chair. he kept trying to get up so i decided to put some newspapers on him to hold him down. this worked quite well, drunken zombies are apparently easily subdued by sheets of newspaper. eventually, jeremys GF was concerned and started removing newspapers only to find jemery had slightly wet himself. he was still awake, yet unable to communicate.
newspapers removed, sharpie applied
so we get this kid up and get him to walk around a bit, get some water in him, bring him outside...normal things you do to make sure people dont die. we sat him back down in the piss chair to make sure he didnt soil anything else. 2 minutes later i walk into the kitchen to find this :
that there is a nice mixture of urine and vomit on his tall tee. while he was standing in the kitchen he removed his pants, attempted to wash them in the sink, and then proceeded to urinate on my kitchen floor. kid sent it. the next morning he attempted to clean our chair cushions with windex. he then went to breck to pick up his employee pass. he did not know there were dicks on his face.
spark notes: this kid went piss crazy
